Some thoughts about the Lord and His goodness

As the events of our Christmas celebration draw near, my heart has been drawn closer to my Lord and Savior than at any other time in my life that I can remember as of late. As all of you know I've been struggling with finding adequate employment that would allow me to provide for my family. My greatest desire is to ensure that my family is taken care of and provided for. My inability to provide has been a cause of deep despair and depression for me. It has been augmented the last couple of months where I've been turned down for some jobs that I was more than perfect for, I've been lost in the pattern of feeling sorry for myself, wondering what it all was for. Wanting to quit all together I was torn between my faith and loss of hope.

That was until this past fast Sunday. I decided to fast to know that God still loved me and was aware of my desires. I wanted to know that He forgave me. As I sat in sacrament meeting during the sacrament portion I began to feel a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time. It was of pure love, and I could sense the voice of the Lord say that He loves me and always has. I share this not to make myself seem special, but to express my gratitude to my Savior for knowing me. The week for last I was feeling a little down so I fasted during the week and all day was a tough day, but I kept focused and pressed forward. I received further witness from the Lord of His love for me and His desire to bless me when He was ready and after I showed faith.

This past week I've been tempted to let go of my core beliefs of ethics and honesty. I came out of training with this job that I just started and was told that I had to get a certain amount of sales every day to meet the company imposed quotas. Selling is not a problem for me when I believe in a product or service, but I will never push something upon someone or lie to make the sale. I know how many sales I have to get to make what I need to make, and I couldn't make the number. I was told that I could not give advice or counsel to those I was calling just make the sale. I was to give the scripted dialogue as given me and nothing else. Those who know me know that is impossible. The reason I don't make money isn't because I don't know what I am talking about, but because even if the person can't pay I feel a need to help with the knowledge given me by the Lord. Those around me making and exceeding the number of sales that I needed were lying and misrepresenting the service, basically telling the people what they wanted to hear to make the commission. I kept hearing the voice tell me you need the money just do it, there is no wrong in it if you don't directly lie, just omit all the facts. The nagging feeling to let go and do it was suffocating, but I wouldn't and couldn't. It is I that has to kneel before the Lord every night at the end of my day and give a reckoning of my day, not my manager and I would not give in. I believe that the Lord tested me and that I passed. Friday was amazing, as the Lord expressed His love for me and my family. The expression of His love extended into Saturday as He continued to tell me that He loved me, and still continued into today as He had our Sunday School teacher share a scripture that I feel was directed to me and Monica, and she broke into tears saying that the Spirit had told her to share that scripture because someone in the class needed to hear it. I heard it, and received it with gladness.

I am optimistic that the love of the Savior will continue to flow into our lives this coming week as we approach Christmas. I have my 5th and 6th interview with Edward Jones Financial Advisers, which will be a good job for me, and one of the counselors in our bishopric told me that his brother is hiring and wanted him to recommend a couple of people to him. He deals with fraud investigation, which is a job that I would enjoy as well.

All in all I feel extremely blessed. I am happy and I look forward for the new year. The blessings of the Almighty are pouring into our lives, and He loves me and my family. I love my family. Monica is wonderful, I couldn't have asked for a better companion in life. Her support and willingness to pass through these trials with me and stay faithful as my only true friend on earth has won her a crown in the heavens and she shall be rewarded a hundred fold for her sacrifices. I fall before the God of Heaven and declare my love. I declare to the world that I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, I turn my life over to him and submit myself willingly to His guidance and counsel. I declare that God lives as well as His Christ our Savior. I declare the gospel as it has been restored in the last days through the Prophet Joseph Smith is the only true and living Church of Jesus Christ to be found on the earth today. I declare that we have a Prophet on the earth today, even Thomas S. Monson, and that I love him and follow his counsel. I bare my testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.